Santa Louis and Buffa-Louis. I am largely humiliated, yet I share these publicly… Why is that?
We went to the Philip Carter winery yesterday… Kimberly said there was a “Santa Buffet” which we interpreted as the presence of the old tubby elf. I felt it was another excellent opportunity for me to continue my investigation into the questionable activities of one Kris “I like to break into your house in the wee hours” Kringle.
Only, he either got wise to my presence and fled ahead of time or “Santa Buffet” just meant a spread of food during Christmas time. One of the two.
Anyways, we still managed to have a fun time. Tim and Kimberly got some wine and cheese and I managed to play with some of the other dogs (pet friendly winery!!) and snag some cheese and crackers from my peeps. All in all an excellent time.
Off to Oklahoma on Wednesday… I think I may get another crack at exposing Santa there. As we always say on LTP Investigates… “We’ll be watching…”
Worm update: I just finished my second round of medicine last night, so Tim and Kimberly get to take a stool to the vet. I never understood how taking a small three-legged chair to the vet would tell them what was in my poo, but I don’t understand a lot of things about the v-e-t.
Two years ago, I began a hard-nosed investigative journalistic expose on one Tipsy McDrinksalot, AKA “Santa Claus” AKA “Kris Kringle.” The results were inconclusive. This year… I intend to bring the fat man down.
Put aside Christmas and the whole generosity angle for a second and ask yourself this… a rotund “elf” (who happens to be human sized) breaks into your house well after everyone is asleep. He enters the house generally through the chimney or perhaps even by walking through walls. In any event, the man has no key. He is dressed from head to toe in velvet and drives a vehicle pulled by rabid deer. Reindeer. Whatever. He has an expectation that you, the home owner, will leave him food… sometimes sugary, and often with a touch of the hard stuff (um, hello eggnog?).
Now, my dear readers I ask you this… if the date on the calendar is August 15th and you encountered this gentleman in your home, would you chalk it up as a holiday miracle, or would you call 9-frickin-1-1?
Exactly. Call this pug a littlle cynical, but I’m not buying the whole thing. Furthermore, with several trillion cups of eggnog in his belly, I’m guessing Santa’s blowing a breathalyzer WELL above legal flying limits, thereby putting our entire North American airspace in great jeopardy.
People… this is serious. I began my investigation yesterday at Bloomingdales. They had Santa there taking pics with dogs for a Humane Society event. The perfect cover – I had my undercover team snap the shot you see above. Although Santa seems to look different than last we met (strangely so, in fact… it was like they were two different people: clearly he’s a master of disguise) I could tell there was something not quite right.
Of course, he’s smart this Claus guy. No sudden movements. He petted me right. Gave me a treat. Hmmm… he’s a shifty one that Kris Kringle. I’ll keep my eyes locked on you buddy…
SC ’06 – not the same dude?
So, it’s been a while since I posted… I could go into all of the reasons why (international intrigue, massive economic collapse impacting Louis the Pug Industries, followed by a rebound and the acquisition of the other 2/3 of the Fortune 500, and… of course, a brief stay in the gray bar motel) but that might be telling too much.
Instead, let me tell you about 2 cool new things on this, the day after my fourth burfday.
(1) I got to hang out on a Caterpillar, thereby enhancing my love of commercial demolition equipment, and
(2) Tim just pulled a huge friggin tick out of my skull.
The first is self-explanatory. The second is worth describing. Man, they are guh-ROSS! I got it during cabin week in WV… I think it might have a pint and a half of LTP goodness in its gullet. Tim did a lookup and it’s not a deer tick or anything else that could do some harm to yours truly. He did slather about 5 gallons of antibiotic ointment on it now, which makes my fur look all spikey and stuff. Who knew triple antibiotic ointment was a proper substitute for haircare product?
Anyways, the tick’s in a plastic bag so I can taunt it. And if that’s not a burfday present, I don’t know what is…
Oh yeah… hockey season kicked off too. Oh, and the Bills are playing really good for the first time in my life. The gifts keep coming, yo!
So, CNN has this whole article on weird people who write their pets’ blogs. Please. What kind of psycho would do that!?
Tim’s going to California for the week, so it’s rule free week… then I get to hang with my boy Clifford at the end of the week when Kimberly goes off to New York. Woohoo! I’m gonna run wild, yo…
Happy Easter everyone! I got an easter egg cookie from Doggie Style bakery!
I scored this present, although I do believe the tag said it belonged to someone else. What’s that about possession being 9/10 of the law?
I’m off to sleep… that portly semi-tipsy elf did me good this year. I’m going to have to sleep off some of that huuuuuge pork bone yo! Now I have to gear up for the Winter Classic in Buffalo on the first!
Kimberly had a photo shoot for her clothing line here at casa louis… I let her do that from time to time. Anyways, we had the photographer hook me up with a glamour shot with teddy. Teddy’s seen better days, but daaaaaaaaamn I look good.
Christmas is around the corner… I’m hoping for some kick butt stuff from Tim. He just ordered some steak treats for Buffy (the OK dog)… I better get hooked up with some of that, yo!
Hey you! Yeah, YOU! I need some friggin attention. All you do is type on that computer and don’t look over your shoulder and see me trying to get you to notice. It’s not like I can wave my arms around… I need them to stand, quite frankly.
We’re getting close to holiday time and I need someone to deliver my Christmas list to that crackpot elf in from the North Pole (I still don’t trust him, despite the results of last year’s investigation of one Tipsy McDrinksalot, AKA Kris Kringle, AKA Santa Claus). So, pay attention to me!! This here’s, like, critical and stuff! Snow’s on the way tomorrow and that means the fat man’s coming soon!
This is my friend Beth… she digs me. And who can argue? I’m very smart and very buff. Chicks dig the lack of snout too.
I’m trying to get everyone’s attention, but they keep playing with those compooters. Not a fan when the keyboards get more petting than yours truly.
Tim did some shopping today for Thanksgiving… he and Kimberly are hitting the Tofurky, while I’m the one who actually gets to eat meat. Yep! Turkey and brown rice… granted, it’s from a can, but it’s looking like it’ll rock.