From Bonnard

Guest blogger: Bonnard the cat

Greetings, it’s me. Bonnard the cat. I’m taking over this dumb blog for today because Louis is over in the corner sleeping, and I like to tell you people what he’s really like.

He often suggests that I’m fat. I like to think of my crushing obesity as a physical reflection of the rage I hold inside against, well… all of you. I’m quite angry at the world! In fact, the only person I’m not prone to hissing at all the time is Kimberly, but that’s only because I need at least one human available to feed me. You know… so I can overeat and create that physical reflection of my rage inside! See, it all makes sense really.
This is me eating a cupcake. I took it from someone else, and my sociopathic mindset allows me to do this without feeling emotion, or caring about the other person’s sense of loss at all. Did you know serial killers exhibit the same set of tendencies as me? Hmm. Go figure.
Some people accuse me of writing pieces that are “dark” on this blog and that I am “filled with rage” and “need counseling.” Yes, yes and get over yourself. A cat counselor? Please. I hiss in your general direction.
We got a notice from the vet that me and the dumb cat are due for a checkup. I noticed last time I was there they had to get a second vet tech to handle my “special needs” (i.e. claws of justice fueled by inner rage). I love going to the vet… it’s oddly vindicating…
Now, where’s that publish post button… ahhh… there it is…

Furley’s here


Furley’s here, originally uploaded by Louis the Pug.

Furley and I made up the other day… basically I just told him what was what, and he could just deal with it, yo. Actually, I think he just actually forgot about our little altercation the other night… cool dog, just not the sharpest knife in the drawer if you know what I mean.

Anyways, he and I engaged in a spirited wrasslin’ session tonight. You know… when he wasn’t barkin’ at Bonnard and Matisse. The kid’s not used to cats. Come to think of it… neither am I.

I’m beat. Off to bed…

waking from a long slumber


waking from a long slumber, originally uploaded by Louis the Pug.

dude.

it’s been a crazy long time since I’ve posted. It’s largely because Kimberly and Tim have been moving an entire business from one side of Dupont Circle to another. Who knew moving could be so dramatic? G-Ma was in town and took good care of me, and I also now have a dog walker. Juan takes me out every weekday and I get to roll with a new playgroup. Most of the dogs are way bigger than me, but I keep them on their toes ’cause I’m waaaaay faster.

How about them Red Wings? Tim and I watched Game 1 together in our gear. I grew so bored by the lack of fight in the Dallas Stars that I fell asleep midway through the game. Maybe Game 3 they’ll show up… nah, probably not…

Hopefully my little hiatus didn’t bum ya out. Plenty of me to go around, yo. By the way… Bonnard? Still fat. Exhibit A:

Why I’ve been slackin’

I’ve been so slacking when it comes to the blog. Part of it is the fact that I’ve begging for attention from Tim. See, he just got this new iPhone thing and I think he’s happier walking it than me. Sure, we still go out and stuff, but his attention is definitely elsewhere. Good thing it has a camera on it… he took this awesome tongue shot with it. I guess I can coexist with the phone…

Everyone knows I’m not a huge fan of Bonnard, the painfully rotund cat. Last week, however, he fell into a bit of a problem when he ate a couple of rubber bands. His attempts to reverse the course (translation: puke em out) didn’t work, and they got jammed in his small intestine. A week later the V-E-T had to perform some surgery and pull em out of his substantially corpulent gut. This is him post op… he’s high as a kite in this shot, which was a bit strange to see. All I know is he gets 2 pain pills a day and listens to White Rabbit on a loop 24-7 now. I dunno… if that’s not an inducement to keep you off drugs, then you’re beyond my help, yo.

Sabres got hosed in free agency. We shall speak no more of that little league baseball pitcher and the other one.

Anyways, I hope to be able to blog more as we get into the summer. Happy 4th of July (a day late) to everyone in the States and Happy Canada Day (4 days late) to my friends north of the border!

Guest blogger… Bonnard the Cat

Heya suckers. Bonnard the cat here. That… thing… Louis… that pug normally posts here… yeah, well he’s asleep, so I swiped his password and thought I’d tell it like it really is.

Basically, I hate you all. Don’t take this the wrong way (like I care, but whatever)… I have a deep resentment towards pretty much everything. You… the person behind you… the tree… the squirrel that mocks me from the fence everyday… you get the picture. I even hate plants, and pretty much everyone likes plants. I think they look at me funny.

I especially dislike Louis. Today, the little jerk barked at me and chased me all over the house. Suuuuure, I swiped a paw at him. Yeeeeeahhhh, maybe I was the one that started it… but still. I think the response was totally unwaranted. If he’d just let me whack him in the head – repeatedly – there would be far fewer problems in this household. Let’s face it, I got here first. People forget that.

Oh well… time to go plot the death of Tim. I’m still leaning towards suffocation in his sleep, but I’d welcome any other thoughts.

Kidding people… kidding!!

(shhhh… not really!)

Peaceful coexistence

After yesterday’s flaming post of justice (and yes, I’m still miffed at DC!) I thought I would pull a 180 and become a peacemaker. Look at me and Bonnard on the couch, sharing some personal brotherly time together.

Ok… here’s what happened after this. Bonnard came over, hissed loudly and popped me in the head. After this, I muttered something like, “Oh no you didn’t!” and started yapping and swinging some paw. As usual, it was a draw. I call no fair that he’s got rear claws… that’s dirty pool, yo.

Bonnard may return and guest blog sometime… I know you’re all looking forward to THAT nonsense…

I’m famous, yo

So, Kimberly’s new book is pretty much hitting the shelves all around the US and (I think) Canada right now. She’s smartly left the marketing to yours truly. The pooch in the corner looks pretty familiar, hmmmmm?

As I said back in May when I first mentioned this, that there are three people* in this household. Tim didn’t get on the cover… nice guy, but frankly, he has a face for podcasting. Kimberly’s not on there… well, I guess the name, but whatever… no picture. Who’s image is on the book? Yeah… me. Clearly, the marketing people are convinced of the scientific principle that good looking, buff pugs are a key to selling a book on empowering women’s lives.

Hip Tranquil Chick… go to a fine bookstore near you, and look for the handsome pug on the cover…

Oh, and congratulations Kimberly!

*Yeah, um… cats don’t count. You read that right Bonnard.

Vote human-canine!

Kimberly’s going away for a week to attend some leadership training thing. This leaves the house with an all-male contingent. The human-canine coalition (Tim and me) are vying against the feline caucus (Bonnard and Matisse) for control of the House of Kimberly. We ask for your votes.

The human-canine coalition offers everyone peace in our time, lower taxes, a chicken in every pot, and three square meals a day. The feline caucus simply doesn’t have a plan. So, when you’re at the ballot box, vote human-canine… if you don’t, the whole condo will become a litter box!

I’m Louis the Pug… and I approve this message.